Surrender or die.

Accept what you can't change.

Change what you can't accept.

Let the flow of life carry you like a fish down a river.

Don't think, just do.

Don't do. Just think.

Give in to the natural rhythm and flow of things.

Stop resisting.

You are only making things harder on yourself.

Just let your own intuition carry you.

How does one do this?

I have never been plugged into this... "flow". That everyone else seems to be into.

Is there something wrong with them or with me? Or is there anything wrong with anybody to begin with?

I've never been able to just listen to my body and go with the flow. I don't know what people truly mean when they say to do this. What do they mean? What am I supposed to be doing?

Do I really not the bare bones basics of life figured out? How does everyone have this all figured out?

Oh, but then I learn that most people don't even have to think about it. Not once, ever. They are so plugged into the flow that they never even realize they are alive. Never thinking, never questioning. So alive that they are virtually dead.

I can't make any sense of this existence.

Screw it all. I shall just follow my own heart, and stop listening to other people.

All they do is meddle with my mind and confuse me, anyways.

I am me, and I am the world.

I've got the whole of Earth in my fingertips.

I must break out of this prison, this shell, this fear, this... invisible, vague force holding me back from who I really am.

The only question is... how? Nobody else can answer this question.

Apparently, it is up to me. It is up to me to find my own place in this life, in this world.

Fuck what others say. "Just go with the flow." Stop toying with my mind. Like it's so easy to just "let go".

I am not you. You are not me. Stop acting like you know what is good for me and like you know who and what I am on the inside.

I am different. I am wild.

I am not a part of the flow of life.

I am my own thing entirely.

I am something unique.

Something never before seen. Something that will change everything.

How do you people sleep at night just accepting that life is what it is?

I have never been able to do that.

It feels like everyone is a part of some great, big club that I am excluded from. Time and time again. And people wonder why I am bitter. Why I isolate myself.

I hate seeing people do people things without me. I hate seeing myself miss out on the flow of life. I hate seeing other people just living. Because I envy them. I am broken inside.

I have never been able to "just live".

Everyone is part of the flow of life but me. I have always felt this deep feeling of isolation in my heart. Even as a child, I did.

Everyone else always seemed able to just... live. All of my old friends went on and just got jobs because the flow of life brought them there. The flow of life simply never brought me there. Why me? What the hell did I do wrong?

Am I just disabled?

Am I that mentally ill?

Am I bound for a very different type of life than most people? Am I treading uncharted waters?

Why can everyone else but me just surrender to the flow?

I am so resistant to change. But I know I need it more than anything.

Why do I need to be like everyone else, anyways? That is the pain in being a member of a social species. You have a natural desire to be just like everyone else, yet... true greatness comes from standing out.

These two things contradict each other.

How does one balance the two? Or simply not care about fitting in?

How does everyone else have this figured out but me?

Can I really not figure out this basic flow-of-life stuff? Am I stupid? Or do I just dwell too much? I'm aware of the fact that I dwell, yet I can not stop.

This is why I wonder if there is something broken inside of me...

I feel like life itself left me behind.

And people wonder why I hate life so bitterly.

I need to stop looking for guidance externally. It never helps. Or perhaps I need to stop resisting. Both ideas have a point. Why must life be so complex? I just want what I want.

"The flow of life."

I just have always wanted to be a part of this big club...

I have always wanted to feel in-tune with the world and with my fellow humans...

But this feeling of isolation... it never goes away no matter what.

This feeling of disconnection from my own body, from my own emotions, from my own species... it is traumatizing.

I just want to be one with my own kind. And to not feel so deeply alone...

I just don't want to be alone.

Good god no.

Loneliness is a special kind of hell. One that I am all too comfortable and familiar with.

I have always wanted to be one with my own kind. I just don't want to feel so deeply alone. I just want to feel human. I just want to feel understood. I just want to feel like my presence actually means something to other people, and affects their lives in a positive way. I want people to wonder where I am when I am gone.

I want to hold someone and to be held by someone. I want to cuddle and to be cuddled. I want to kiss and be kissed. I want to hear another human's voice whisper into my ear, the magic words: "I love you." And I want to give the same to someone else.

I just want the isolation to stop. I just want the pain to stop.

What will deliver me from this, I have yet to know.

But nevertheless, I persist day by day.

I never said I was giving up, y'know.

No matter how hard it gets, don't stop. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Don't let yourself go.

Take comfort in your friends.

Don't throw your hand.

Even if you don't realize it, or feel like it, you matter. I matter.

I just lose sight of things so easily. I forget what is really important to me. Who is really important to me.

Perhaps one day, if I don't give up, I won't feel so alone anymore. Perhaps one day, if I don't give up, I will hear someone say to me "I love you more than you could ever know." That's all any human has ever really wanted, yes?

If you have read all of this, I thank you dearly.