A vent blowing off steam!

A thing happened at work that happened to me and a few other people last week where our app passwords to check our schedules were deleted. I have to call again to try to reset it, otherwise... I'm gonna have to call H.R. every time I wanna see when I have to be into work, then I'd have to probably quit this fucking goddamn shitty ass job at FedEx. Fuck it. I HATE THIS FUCKING JOB.

I'm just fucking crying because I can't seem to do ANYTHING WITH THE TIME I HAVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

The time I have just spills like sand between my fingers. It is almost 11 am?? HOW???? DAMMIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo.

I fucking hate myself.. I'm sorry but dude.... I do. I try not to I TRY NOT TO BUT I DO ANYWAYS, I can't fucking take care of myself to save my life... every little thing in life feels like it is going to make my fucking head explode. I can't take the pressure. I've toughed it out with this hard ass FedEx package handler job for a while now... Longer than I thought. It is FUCKING KILLING ME ON THE INSIDE. I FEEL LIKE SHIT THE ENTIRE TIME IM WORKING. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. FUCK. GOD DAMMIT......... Jesus Christ. Ugh.

I don't know why I am a socially awkward fuck who never was able to make a friend on his own.. I just CANT..

I freeze up with people, I feel this INTENSE FEAR in conversation. I can barely mutter one word responses without stuttering. I can't.. be a human being properly :(

Oh and fucking. youre wonderind oh why do you feel broken inside.... THIS.

I'm an adult in name only, I'm barely hanging onto life.

I just want to feel like i belong, like I am understood through and through, am I the wrong one for not feeling that way now?

Or am I right? Do I just have yet to meet that other human being in this lonely sea of life who sees right through my skin. Right into my heart.

I am trying to tough it out and not give up on life. But my god. I.. I dont know man..

FUck.. I feel fucking broken, I am anxious and depressed OUT OF MY MIND, and I just can't handle anything in life without breaking down... I am so fucking scared of the idea of doing anything on my own and I'm 21... I'm fucking pathetic. :(

I am now of significantly calmer mind. I will tackle directly what is making me the most anxious. Then I will try to make the most of my free time before work. And I will try to tough it out at work. And if I need to take a break and cry, I'll cry. I don't care.

Breathe in... Breathe out...

I'll be alright. I just broke down is all.